Introducing Working Theory and Field Notes. These are deep dives into the evidence shaping how we think, write, and belong online. This is where I make sense of the research, so you can apply it to your work, your rhythms, your communities. And this one starts with a deceptively simple idea:
If you want to change your behaviour (or help others do the same), try saying “If X happens, then I’ll do Y.”

Bessel van der Kolk, a psychiatrist writes that “the body keeps the score”, a store of traumatic memories and stress. But I believe, this score is a neccesary resistance, against perfection, performance, and the relentless demand to appear effortlessly fine.

We are not all fine. Why pretend?

My neck has lines that underscore a journey of body and mind
The neck stiffens under scrutiny. It holds the weight of being watched, evaluated, expected to be both soft and unbreakable.

Gratitude is my unsung hero because expressing gratitude with others, even in small ways, is important for feelings of closeness, bonding and interpersonal relations, its low cost, and it reduces our stress levels. Of course, chronic stress isn't just as simple as what we perceive, no amount of growth mindset or challenge thinking is going to takeaway systemic racism, sexism, or poverty - but we do know that control along with predictability can reduce stress responses.

Austen’s fictional characters provide a frame for us to think about the people behind our posts and blogs who are silent, and they are the majority. Some estimates suggest that 70-80% of activity in social spaces is passive in nature, a surprisingly small percentage of readers contribute by comment. It’s easy to forget this, especially when our social spaces are geared up to capture participation moments through likes, shares, restacks and replies and again this is nothing new in the way we behave socially.